I have a friend again.
I cannot express the relief, joy, happiness, vindication, and reassurance that this event has engendered in me.
Friendships come and friendships go; we grow out of some of them, we move on to others. A precious few we keep. Still others cling to us like limpet mines. There are varying degrees of friendship, from casual acquaintance to bosom companion and everything in between.
I just regained a bosom companion.
In the comments section of an earlier rant -- OF TIME AND HUMAN NATURE -- I made it pretty clear my feelings on a once-close friend of mine and his life choices. I really didn't expect to hear from this person again, and the lack of closure was causing me agony.
Then, unexpectedly, I hear from the guy to tell me his life has changed. Unfortunately, it's not a happy change, but that's really not for me to discuss here so I'll leave that bit out.
And, as unhappy as I am that he's going through some not-so-nice things in his life, I'm over the fricking MOON that he chose to email me about it and open a dialogue after a year and a half.
Seriously, I didn't think I'd ever hear from him again.
But tonight, we went for coffee; I was tentative at first, not wanting to scare him off-- but it felt, after an iced cappuccino and a couple of hours, like old times. Both of us older and wiser-- and perhaps more vigilant now-- but without recriminations or blame, just an understanding of a bad situation now able to be moved past in favor of a new future.
Reconciliation of a heretofore unsalvageable situation is, to me, vindication of my entire life philosophy. So often I hold in my negative thoughts, trying to ride out the bumps in life's road so that, when I arrive at my destination, I do not feel as if I've had a bad trip. And yes-- often, I get burned for this by either having other people not do the same, spreading THEIR bad trip vibe everywhere and splashing me with it, or finding upon my arrival that my destination was not what it was intended to be and that there was no point in hiding the downside at all-- since there was no possibility of an upside.
But this time, THIS TIME, I was surprised in the best possible way; someone reached out a hand that I had been waiting, hoping for a chance to take, and bingo.
My friend and I are talking again. And patience (with a little bit of restraint, although I'm not possessed of a HUGE amount of it) can actually be rewarded. Friends can reconcile. The sun CAN shine, the check CAN be in the mail, and yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.
In fact, I'm going to go sing zippidy-doo-dah out my butt.
I love you, Mike. You don't suck.
Posted by Michael at November 27, 2002 01:45 AMGlad ta see you and Mikey are talkin' again!!! Good good news!!! :D
Two things though...
A) I didn't need the image of you singin' zippity-do-dah outta yer butt
B) There are SO many captions I can come up with for that picture...but most of 'em are filthy as hell, and quite probably involve what is going on BELOW the picture frame... so I'll just be polite and giggle.
Seriously though... this really is good to hear.
Agent A
Posted by: Agent A on November 27, 2002 02:27 PMI know you hold in your negative thoughts, that was the problem. You held it in until you couldn't hold it in anymore, and then boom! the walls were a new colour. And I don't mean roasted pepper.
I had to learn to accept whatever I felt at pretty much face value and so do you. All information is valid. All thoughts are valid thoughts, whether they're right or wrong or oddly about cheese. Instead of having a thought, deciding "I shouldn't think THAT!", clamping the hell down on it, and pretending it doesn't exist,
(Remember how well pretending things didn't exist used to work for me?)
examine it. "Well, that's interesting. Why did I think that? All right, so that's how I feel, what's best to do about it?" Don't repress, accept. --With the proviso that if you open your mouth and say absolutely everything that wanders through your brain, people will look at you funny. I have a co-worker who does that and we ignore her.
Filter between self and others good. Filter between self and other parts of self bad.
Posted by: Mike on November 28, 2002 12:47 PMUtterly correct, except for one thing-- I never ever discounted what I was thinking. It wasn't the THOUGHTS I was holding back-- it was my actions. I was of the "do nothing, and you'll calm down and be sane again in a moment" school.
But the calming down is a false calm, brethren and sistren. All it does is add pressure to the cooker until FWEEEET! KABOOM! And there's beef stroganoff all the hell over the kitchen.
In my case, "What's best to do about it" was "nothing" -- and that was the error, turning (as we have discussed) a small situation into a HUGE one.
THAT just won't happen again.
Hopefully.
But now, we can spot any danger signs and nip 'em, can't we?
Posted by: Agent M on November 28, 2002 01:17 PMWell, that's nice news. I am happy for you both!
My work here is done...
Fool
Posted by: Fool_on_the_Hill on November 28, 2002 11:36 PMHey Kids!
Fill out, on a standard 3 x 5 card, your name, address, phone number, and just who the merry cheese-smack YOU think "Fool on the Hill" is (print neatly!) and send it to:
M Files
Hell and Gone, Alberta
There will be no winners selected, but WE sure the hell would like to know.
Offer void in Utah.
Posted by: Mike on November 29, 2002 10:00 AMGee, thanks Fool! We would never have been able to do it without YOU and all that hard work YOU did.
...sorry, what exactly was it you purported to have done?
M
Posted by: Agent M on November 29, 2002 02:48 PMUtah?
Damn, they're on to me!
Better grab the wives and kids and skedaddle!
M -
A quotation for you:
"A leader is best when people barely know he exists. Not so good when people obey and acclaim him, worse when they despise him. Fail to honour people, they fail to honour you. But of a good leader who talks little, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, the people will say 'we did this ourselves.' "
Lae Tse
Fool
Dear Fool:
If the people will say 'we did this ourselves,' then pretty soon they'll think they won't NEED a leader, thus rendering the leader's position untenable.
I have never been a believer in Chinese Philosophy; it tends to attempt to leave the world behind in search of enlightenment, whereas my beliefs are that enlightenment must be searched out IN the world itself.
In short, I believe Chinese philosophies of transcendence to be utter crap.
Also-- in all the time you've known me, have you EVER known me to be invisible or have people barely know I exist?
"The worst possible mistake a human being can make is to go against their grain. And the worst mistake someone with presence can make is to attempt to be unseen."
Michael McAdam
totally unrelated to anything you've written to this point on el blog, but i've only just now noticed the overhaul and the switch to moveable type. and you have archives that stretch back to may. so SHAME ON ME and WOWOW and HELO BOOKMARK and all that.
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