THE GUY'S NIGHT OUT

It's a long-standing tradition in our culture, a male bonding ceremony dating back to caveman days. The Guys' Night Out.

Whether it's a celebration of testosterone in the Extreme Sports tradition of doing stupid things that carry with them the risk of bodily harm, or an excuse to revert to our genetically-predisposed state of grunting laughter and lewd humour, this Men's Mystery is a sacred ritual.

I was never one of those, actually. The guys I just described above. I have an aversion to pain without cause (exercising at the gym notwithstanding) that precludes my involvement in rugged sports, and I enjoy show tunes too much to really grunt my way through lewd humour.

And I never developed a taste for beer. When I do have it, I have Corona (which is generally classified as Girl's Beer With A Twist Of Lime) or a Big Rock Honey Ale, which hardly registers on the Pilsner Scale of How Butch You Are.

And yet, since I got married I've developed a whole new appreciation for this odd little ritual.

When you're a teenager, the Guy's Night Out is your perpetual state of existence. No longer bound to your mother, you strike out on your own to achieve some measure of independence and pursue your own interests separate from the family unit; these are the years of discovery and joy in those revelations; these are the stories you will tell in the future when you're reminiscing about how "wild" you were when you were younger.

Part of my problem THERE was that I was a sci-fi/fantasy geek. And so were my other friends. Most of my "wildness" was in my imagination, lived through my Dungeons & Dragons character. So the "wildness" us guys would get up to consisted of a lot of running around wearing costumes. Which is not to say that it wasn't wild, but when speaking of male testosterone issues it doesn't generally come up on the Top Ten.

And yet, as they say, you don't notice what you've got until it's gone. And I have to be careful here-- I'm happily married, and not one of those Man vs. Woman stereotypes who whines that his wife doesn't understand him, that she always needs "talking" and "romance" and what the hell language is she speaking, Men Are From Here and Women Are From Who The Hell Knows Where.

No. I have a great time with Marci. And we've just had our firstborn-- and THIS is the crux of the matter. In the years BB (Before Baby) I was able to go on Guys' Nights Out with frequent regularity. But since I became a father, those nights are fewer and far between. (Side note to all guys out there: Do NOT take your wife for granted just after she's had a child. You may think she'll get all weepy and stuff if you go out without her but I assure you, she's sharpening all the silverware while you're gone. Be thoughtful-- or be dog food.)

And that is why, since the baby, I have discovered all over again the joys of going out with the guys, free from responsibility to anyone but my own interests and enjoyment just like I did when I was an adolescent-- adolescence being the perpetual, natural state of men and "responsibility" being an overlay that can slip if not concentrated upon.

I've been to two movie nights over at Agent ACK's place; pizza and wings before the brainless ramblings of Jay and Silent Bob and Dude, Where's My Car? proved to be an enjoyable, relaxing time with other like-minded guys who wanted nothing more than a night to just be fools and yak about dumb movies and guy things without having to worry about what the girls would think.

Then last week, I went out for beer and wings and NTN Trivia with friends. I got my ass whupped in trivia, but it was all good because I was out with my buddies. And I had a really good time. We stayed out til eleven.

Now how freakish is that? "We stayed out til eleven." The twenty-year-old me is saying "Man, what HAPPENED to you?" and I say back to him, "Nothing. I'm having a great time."

Maybe I don't stay out all night doing god-knows-what, nor can I drop everything at a moment's notice to run out and do something fun. Perhaps I've exchanged a bit of adolescent freedom for adult security. But it's all good to me-- because there will always be the Guys' Night Out. It's not just an evening; it's a phenomenon.

With thanks to Tony, Bruce, James, Gareth, Mike and my other guy friends. I never realized how much fun we were all having until I stopped to think about it.

Posted by Michael at April 03, 2003 01:33 PM