Dear Blockbuster Video:
I'm a frequent customer to your store. It is conveniently located, well-stocked, and the staff are courteous and friendly.
What a pity, however, that they are not well-trained to deal with people who actually want good service.
What an even larger pity that it seems your store policies have nothing more to do with good service than perhaps mentioning it on the manifesto that the employees sign when they successfully apply for their minimum wage job.
Allow me to elucidate:
I am the proud owner of an XBox. And, because the games are so expensive, it is my preference to rent them before deciding whether or not I want to purchase one. Therefore, I spend a lot of my Blockbuster-destined dollars renting XBox games.
To my chagrin, rarely if ever do the games I rent ever come with a manual. Granted, many of them have instructions contained within the game so this is not crippling to gameplay-- but some of them do not.
And that isn't the point.
The point is that when I go to Blockbuster, the giant multinational chain of video stores, I often don't get a manual with my game. So I spoke to one of your aptly-misnamed Customer Service Specialists about this issue, asking WHY the games don't have manuals.
"Well, people rent them and then they lose them," was CSS's explanation.
"Then why aren't they charged or fined for the loss?" I ask. "Pretty soon, people wouldn't be so careless. If someone lost a DVD they'd rented, you'd charge them for that."
CSS replied to me: "It's too much of a hassle."
Visions of liberating his head from the bondage of his shoulders -- with the sharp edge of a shovel -- danced in my brain. Too much of a hassle?
That your company's employee could stand there and bald-faced tell me, the consumer, that a quality-assurance action was "too much hassle" speaks volumes to both the training he received from his supervisor and the policies your company is unwilling to enforce.
Yet I tried again. "How about if, when you get the new games, you photocopy the manual and include THAT with the game? Then if people lose it, you just photocopy a new one."
CSS shrugged his soft college-boy shoulders. "Just too big of a hassle," he said, as if I were a slow-witted annoyance who just didn't get it.
Well, Blockbuster, it sure seems as if it's TOO MUCH OF A HASSLE for you to have decent customer service. I mean, if College Boy is a Customer Service SPECIALIST, I'd hate to see your Customer Service General Practitioner.
Let me spell it out for you as I see it: I am a consumer. The customer. You are a retail service industry. Therefore, you should be doing everything to keep me coming back to your store-- and yet, your staff tells me that making the effort to keep your stock up to rentable quality is too much of an effort for the poor, overworked minimum-wage employees of your store.
And you know what this tells me? That I'm not important. That the first person who rents the game, while it still HAS instructions, is more important than me and that I don't matter because the first person lost the instructions, too bad so sad, no penalties for THEM-- but I have to suffer because I just didn't get there fast enough.
You call that a BUSINESS? You call that SERVICE?
And worst of all-- you tell me it's too much of a hassle in such a way that I am expected to just accept it because that's the way the world is?
I don't think so. In the future, I fully expect you to change your policies to suit me. Why? Because I am your customer. I will be treated with respect, I will be treated with dignity and when I patronize your store, I will be given GOOD SERVICE.
Sincerely,
Your Customer.
The above version of this rant was sent to Blockbuster both locally and at its Canadian national office.
Now here's the version I'd LIKE to have written.
Dear Blockbuster:
You cock-smoking sons of motherless whores. When I go to waste my precious time renting a goddamn video game so I can waste MORE precious time, I'd appreciate it if the fucking thing had some instructions with it.
Why? Oh, hell, I don't know, maybe because when you RENT a game instead of BUYING it I'd like to know how to PLAY it instead of spending the 3-day to one-week rental period figuring it out by MYSELF.
I rent a long involved game like Morrowind without instructions? CHRIST. You ever tried playing a role-playing game without knowing the RULES? Here's a hint: Smear yourself in honey and walk through a valley of fire ants humming "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah." There are amusing bits but every few seconds you're in searing pain.
Oh, I'm sorry, you fucktard degenerates, did I INCONVENIENCE you by asking WHY you don't provide for your customers? Did I wreck the Blockbuster IQ Bell Curve by posing the really HARD questions? Shit, I'm SORRY. I guess what I SHOULD have said was, "Oh, no problem, I know how it is missing a couple of chromosomes-- I didn't mean to put any PRESSURE ON YOU."
When your pit-scratching monkeyboy grins droolingly at me and tells me it's too much of a hassle for your store to provide some goddamn support for their own asslicking stock, I just want to unzip my fly, grab Softie Boy by his dreadlocks and pull him down to belt-level to GIVE him some hassle.
Kee-RIST. Too much HASSLE? Hey, how about I put that XBox CDROM between your ass cheeks, press 'em together and see if it'll play THEN? Or shove my leatherclad toe up there and see if it'll BOOT.
That's a joke, you Darwinism In Action candidates.
How would this be: You promise to provide me with the barest minimum of what SHOULD BE standard policy service when I choose to rent from you, and I won't bring a box of matches and stand there lighting them and tossing them at you while waiting for your polyester to catch fire.
Love,
Agent M.
PS: I did your mom and she was screaming your name the whole time.
Posted by Agent M at August 25, 2003 11:06 AMToo true, I know what you mean.
I saw an ad (not one of Blockbuster's) with a slogan that I love 'cause it can be applied to so many things:
"Not more than you need, just more than you're used to."
People have gotten so used to crap that they accept it readily and without question. Kudos to you for standing up to the gale force winds of mediocrity.
Less brave, I usually just walk away muttering, "well, it's a windows world..."
CH
Posted by: ch on August 25, 2003 01:55 PM"I don't think I like your tone, Mike."
Seriously though, I've never liked Lackluster video.
1) they put Mom and Pop video stores out of business.
2) They didn't stock wide screen movies because their inbred customers think having black stripes at the top and bottom of the screen is worse than seeing the whole movie.
On the plus side, this policy is starting to change now that the public is a little better educated about wide screen movies - not that BB actually did any of that educating themselves.
3) They bowdlerize movies. And this has a chilling effect on the video makers - when they can afford it they create two versions, the real version and the BB version. If they can only afford to make one, some creators opt to only make the BB version because they don't want to lose half their market.
This too is starting to change: BB's policy shifted to allowing individual store managers to decide which version to stock - but that wasn't the case a few years ago.
4) Simply didn't stock NC-17 or "unrated" movies. Like 3) this has changed to the manager's discretion.
Basically, Block Buster is the "walmart" of the video rental business.
Quixote
Posted by: Quixote on August 25, 2003 03:29 PMHmm, you know, I have to agree. BB has been editing movies for so long I think it's ingrained now. I heard a story years ago that it was because they were owned by the Church of the Latter Day Saints, but I can't verify that one. But good for you, Agent M, for drawing a line in the sand. Should have sent the second letter.
G
Posted by: Garething on August 25, 2003 05:18 PMI never rent from BlockBuster (mainly due to the fact that they're a bit more expensive than some other video/game rental places). But when I used to rent games at Hollywood Video (I don't know if they have those in Canada or not) instead of including the actual manual, the plastic case card would have the entire manual of the game printed all-text in sub-microscopic letters on one side. It certainly avoids the risk of a lost manual at the price of no pretty pictures. Still, there's always GameFAQs.
As for Blockbuster, I think I speak for most when I quote Ralph from Exploitation Now by saying, "Bring home the magic, my furry white ass!"
Posted by: Stoneth on August 26, 2003 01:12 AMI work in a customer service industry. As much as we pretty it up by saying (in snobbish tones) TECHnical SupPORT!, we're just phone monkeys.
I hear rants, both edited, and unedited, like Agent M's all the time.
"If you were going to do planned maintenance in my area, why didn't you call me!!??"
-because we have over 2000 customers in that area, and we can barely handle our incoming queues. That's why. Plus, the outage is going to be 15 minutes. If it was going to be longer, we'd have emailed you.
"I thought this was supposed to be on ALL THE TIME! Why can't *I* get my internet?!?"
- Because there's a Really Big Forest Fire in your area that's serious enough to cause an evacuation of your city. That kind of thing not only burns bodies, but hardware and fibre. Technically, it's an act of God. Please take it up with Him.
"So, while your plant is having a power outage due to an electrical storm in my area, *I* have to sit on my thumb and wait for you to get my internet back???"
-Yes. We rely on the power company too. Case in point: Toronto.
"My computer got a virus! If I didn't have internet, I couldn't have gotten this virus, so YOU have to help me!"
Or
"I have a blue screen of death! Walk me through reinstalling Windows!"
-If you bought a car from Ford, and a stereo for it from Future Shop, would you go to Future Shop when your engine died? No. You'd go to Ford. Please contact a certified PC tech.
Oh, and the best one..."What do you mean I'm at 30 days past due on my bill? I'm going to switch to another ISP if you don't turn my modem Back On NOW!!!"
-Uh...you were turned off because "30 days past due" means you haven't paid your bill in 3 months. That's the advance 30 days we usually bill, the current bill for august, and last month's bill for July. Since you pay in advance for service, that means you haven't paid a bill since May or June. Which means that no, you are NOT a paying customer. You are a person who has not paid a bill for a full quarter of a year and are trying to take advantage of the fact that you USED to be able to get away with this behaviour before we installed an automated billing system that would turn your modem off after 3 months. Kindly quit whining and cough up the cash so you can earn the right to complain.
And y'know what? I deal with these issues multiple times per night, 5 nights per week.
I'm more than happy to help the customer who has forgotten their email password, doesn't know how to set up email, can't log into their internet banking because Internet Explorer blew up, or can't log into their webspace. If your modem doesn't work because the signal is shot, I'll dispatch a tech according to our service call schedule. Why? We provide those services and have to support them. Unfortunately, 70 to 90 percent of the time, I'm dealing with whackjobs who think I should be supporting the 3rd-party router they installed themselves. Please call D-Link, Linksys, or SMC. I don't know your router from a woodworking router. Or read the bloody documentation that came with it instead of using it to line your birdcage.
However, if I were the supervisor of M's Blockbuster CSR, then I'd be more inclined to listen. It's an easy thing to rectify...photocopy the game rules so everyone can play equally. Now, if M came to me and said "I installed a chip from Japan and now your lousy game won't play!", THEN I could see trying to explain patiently just why this won't work. Because M would find it a "hassle" to have to take out the chip to play the game in the long run.
Unfortunately, most of us in the Customer Service field deal with the wiseass more often than the genuine customer. It colours our attitudes for the whole day. After being yelled at by the drunk guy who wants his porn NOW, you don't want to do much more than crawl into a hole and have 5 minutes quiet time.
The difference between them and me? I'm more mature than your average blockbuster employee, and can generally tell the assholes from the genuinely boggled consumer. And I'll bend over backwards for the guy who really needs the help.
Here's hoping that your letter gets read, M.
Posted by: Maire on August 26, 2003 06:15 PM*ACK lies twitching on the carpet*
..
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...sorry. Maire's message gave me tech-support flashbacks...
;)
I'm glad you sent the 1st letter, if only to be polite. When I was in Customer Service and received letters such as the 2nd one, we just threw them out. Only because I was allowed to *grin*
I've had nothing but trouble with BlockBuster video, but am too lazy to go anywhere else. I'd love to have one of my jobs to be such a slacker job such as theirs.
- Gail
Posted by: Ginger Snap Cookie on September 3, 2003 12:02 AMYou know what, I do believe that I actually agree with blockbuster..it would be way to much hassle. Especially considering we are mostly talking about 4-18yr olds who generally have no respect for other peoples property. They would have to reprint the manual or deal with the headache of charging the arse that lost the instructions. I have seen people throw fits over a 1.50 late fee, god forbid money for a manual.
You have got to be the biggest noob there ever was.
Posted by: Cracker Jack on September 29, 2003 04:53 PMThanks, Crack Whore Jack, for perfectly exemplifying the entire problem with Blockbuster: People like YOU.
I picture you as a snotty punk-ass 16-20 year old, making excuses for why other people have no respect for another's property (as if that fact was something to be accepted and moved on from, instead of being taken exception to), and bitching because people would throw a fit over having to pay a penalty that they incurred.
(People bitch about speeding tickets, too. But y'know what? If they DIDN'T SPEED, they wouldn't get fined.)
And yet here you are throwing around supereducated words like "noob." Which tells me that you, indeed, are the noob-- the noob with NO LIFE EXPERIENCE, wanting "The Man" to get off your back because life's just too damn hard to deal with all the negativity associated with poor customer service, maaaaaan.
Spineless, simpering degradations of humanity like yourself offend me. "Heyyyyy, get off my baaaaaack, because it's just too HARD for people to do a good job anymorrrrrrre. Leave us alooooone." You whining little scab.
Agents, this whole attitude is indicative of the problem: If we do not confront the "it's too much of a hassle"-ers when we meet them, the entire system of service could slide into us just feeling LUCKY to have ANYTHING, and to suck it up when we are abused.
We are giving them, that industry, OUR MONEY. That means we are entitled to the full product that we give our money for. If I go to rent a game, I should get the WHOLE GAME plus instructions. Not just pieces.
God. CrackWhore Jack, you have certainly GOT a pair, I'll say that for you-- to actually believe your opinion is in any way defensible. NOOB for Christ's sake. I gotta start posting an "Adults Only" warning on this blog.
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