HI DIDDLE DEE-DEE...

...an actor's life for me.

I'd just like to take a moment to give thanks that I have the opportunity to act. To be an actor. I don't know if I have that ineffable "it" that makes one truly great-- in my opinion, there are many stars in Hollywood that don't, but they're famous so what do I know-- but it doesn't matter to me as long as I get to keep doing this thing I love so much.

I wanted to be an actor ever since I was eleven. An agent gave me his card when my brother and I were flying on a plane from Toronto. We were making small talk to pass the time, seated next to each other as we were, and he asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I heard myself say "an actor." I didn't think about the response, it just happened. Later I wondered why I didn't use the then-common response of "a policeman" or "a fireman," but went straight to the Performing Arts. This response surprised the man and he gave me his card, telling me to look him up when I got to Toronto in about seven years.

No, Agents, I never did keep that card nor did I move to Toronto when I was eightteen. But I had the acting bug, and so act I did.

My first acting job was an accident. I had taken Improv courses at the Loose Moose Theatre and heard about the next play they were putting on, "Mutiny On The Bounty." (Yes, Mutiny as an improv play. Go fig.) and I thought, "Hey, I could learn a lot from these guys if I worked with lights or sound or something while they worked."

I went to the first rehearsal, ready to volunteer to be a gofer when the director said, "Anyone here want to act?" My hand shot up, and that was that.

I was terrible, by the way. I played Midshipman Heyward, I had the notable lines of "SODOMY?" and "Why do they call them sperm whales, sir?" and I couldn't keep from smiling when I said them. I was sixteen and I WAS ON STAGE! And I couldn't quite believe it.

Since then I've settled down a bit, and discovered the joys of Film and Television over the joys of the Stage. There seem to be more egos on the stage, the community seems to be smaller, and the work seems to be more...odd. Maybe I'm just too meat-and-potatoes to pretend I'm a dog in a Franz Kafka adaptation, but there you are.

Respect mah authoritah.

Film and Television is a wonderland, a circus. In fact, that's what they call the small, mobile trailer "village" of costume, makeup, Assistant Director trailer, and dressing rooms for the talent "the Circus." And wow, does it ever feel like you've joined one when you report to work that day.

The smell of makeup and hairspray; the constant click and chatter from the headsets that all the Officials wear-- from Wardrobe to Director, they're all in contact via walkie-talkie; greeting people you've worked with before. We're all equals, in a sense, in that we are all working toward one production. And there's the unspoken rule that if you're an ass, you won't get hired back. So there's a politeness and a willingness (if a little forced at times) to get along.

The best thing about acting is that you're something different every time. I've been an RCMP officer, a baggage handler, a pipeline inspector, a dad, Humphrey Bogart... it's a thrill. I get to play dress-up, and everyone plays right along WITH me, until it's time to call it a wrap and go home. And the parting isn't hard, because you know that somewhere down the line, you'll be working with these folks again.

You get to meet people. I was John Cleese's stand-in on "Rat Race," which was filmed for the most part right here in Calgary and area. Whoopi Goldberg, Rowan Atkinson, Jon Lovitz, Seth Green... got to say "hi" and shake hands with these people and most importantly, to watch them work. Fascinating stuff. (And y'know what? They're just people. They make all these movies, but they're just people.)

Hey, looks like you got a pipeline obstruction.

I only wish that it was as constant as some other jobs. There are people that work more than others-- a buddy of mine is 5'10", has fair hair and complexion-- and that dude works ALL THE TIME. Stand-in, background, and has had a few on-screen characters, too. Sometimes it's up, sometimes it's down, but what a ride. What a THRILL. It's like a non-stop carnival.

Yes, there is a lot of "hurry up and wait." There's a lot of sitting on the set bored out of your mind while they set up the next shot-- so bring a book. But here's the thing-- you're SITTING ON THE SET. You're on the very spot that will be shown on film. Regardless of whether YOU will be seen onscreen or not, you ARE THERE. That's a tremendous thrill for me. Not to mention, as I said before, watching people work. Watching everyone, not just the stars. Actually seeing how a movie gets made. How the effects work. How they cheat the camera to produce just the right angle. How they can turn a July back alley into a December one overnight.

Acting is magic. The world that accompanies it is a fantasy-- and sometimes I wake up inside this dream and worry about paying bills and where my next paycheque is coming from-- but never, never would it occur to me to quit. Because nothing beats the thrill.

As I write this I have two commercials airing nationally on television-- one for WestJet, and one for Shaw Cable, with another one on the way; and all I can think about is when I'm going to get my next fix, and what am I going to be doing next time?

It's all about the anticipation.

Wanna be an actor? Sure, go for it. It may work out for you, it may not. Get yourself an agent, LISTEN to your agent, and always always ALWAYS be professional. Get in to your audition, get OUT of your audition, smile and say thank you. Take classes, no matter how good you think you are. Expand, and be flexible. NEVER complain to anyone except your agent-- they will handle complaints for you. Do your best at all times, and try to leave the impression that you are easy to work with. The rest is how you look, and a little bit of talent.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go call my agent.

Posted by Agent M at August 27, 2003 10:38 AM