THE PIE MAN

Simple Simon met a pieman,
Going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Let me taste your ware."
Said the pieman unto Simon,
"Show me first your penny."
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Indeed I have not any."

I baked pies yesterday. Pies, plural. As in, three. Partly as a celebration of being done my Atkins diet, partly because I wanted baked goods, a little bit because I wanted to fill my home with the smell of baking, but mostly-- mostly because pies are a tad more difficult to make than simple cake.

I get such a tremendous feeling of accomplishment from baking. And the rewards are apparent and immediate (minus a small cooling period) and I get the triumphant assertion that I have created something with my hands.

This is a big thing for me. I'm not good with my hands-- can't build stuff. Was never good at artsy-craftsy things in school, sculpting, or anything that, to my mind, takes actual WORK.

As an actor, the things I create are ephemeral-- they're performances. I can do one on the spot, but I can't give you one to take home with you. Unless I pack a bunch of VCD's or VHS tapes of my demo reels around with me.

Some people might find the ability to act enviable, but perversely of course I'm envious of those that can create with their hands. So therefore, baking is my one solace for these otherwise talentless appendages of mine.

I baked three pies: Another apple pie (since Mrs. M polished off last week's without any help from me! Although Mom helped a bit.), a chocolate cream pie, and a lemon meringue.

It was also my first time making meringue. And I screwed it up the first time, so I threw it out and started it over. The second time I was successful.

I made all my pie crust from scratch. I peeled and cored the apples myself. I used pudding mix for the chocolate cream (because the Bernard Callebaut shop closed at five, the bastards. I was only a MINUTE late). Same with the lemon-- hey, isn't that what the whole Jell-O pudding economy is based on?-- and by 9:30 pm, I had three pies.

Agent ACK was kind enough to come over and offer a supervisory hand and his expertise in sampling said pies -- and coming with me on a Starbuck's run as they baked. Store-bought coffee and home-made pie. AW yeah.

I've learned that you shouldn't bake when you're tired (that's how I messed up the first meringue), and that baking in a social setting (with friends over) is the entire reason I bought my house with the floorplan that it has. Friends can sit at the kitchen table or at our breakfast bar while I putter in the kitchen, making for a fun, social kitchen affair.

My god, I AM my mother.

I also learned that there's no way I can reasonably expect to eat these three pies in any reasonably measurable time period. So I hereby extend the invitation to anyone I know reading this blog-- to come on over and help me eat these pies!

Give me a call and let me know when you'd like to come over. The Great Agent M pie sampling! Acceptance of this offer means you consent to have your picture taken for later posting on this blog. ;)

Here's to wonderful, luscious, sweet-tasting PIE. It's a field assignment worth volunteering for, Agents.

This offer valid while supplies last! Void where prohibited, prohibited where void.

Posted by Agent M at September 22, 2003 10:42 AM