SOCIAL SECRETS

...which are, I suppose, the opposite of Social Security.

My post about the pagan coffee got me thinking about the little tricks I've picked up over the years for social situations; ways to keep an outing going smoothly with little fuss or unpleasantness.

While many others, it seems, don't bother with learning these niceties, I'm more than happy to share what I've learned in the hopes that it may help others out there to enjoy those social outings with fewer awkward situations.

1. PLAN YOUR ESCAPE ROUTE.
Have an "out" prepared. It's best if you have your own car or other method of transport, or if you came with a friend, to arrange to be able to depart with or without their help. There's nothing worse than being stuck at a party where you'd like to gnaw your arm off while your ride is having a good time.

The corollary to this is:

1b: KNOW WHEN TO LEAVE.
Don't be the last to leave. Also don't be the first to arrive. Less is more. Like Seinfeld, leave people wanting more-- not wishing for less. Knowing when to leave is the key to good grace. Hint: If your host(s) start referring to the evening in the past tense, as in: "Wasn't this a great evening," it's time to go.

2. BRING A FRIEND.
As I've said before, if you're unsure of the crowd you're going to be with, bring a friend. That way you have a guarantee of a comfort zone and a good time even if the evening is a bust.

The corollary to this is:

2b. DON'T BE CLIQUE-ISH.
Bring a friend, but don't spend your time exclusively joined to that friend's hip. You're there to socialize, and also broaden your social horizons a bit. Be comfortable, but not too comfortable. Get your host to introduce you around, if they haven't already. Or introduce yourself. Hint: Some of the best common ground watering-hole type mixing of people happens in the kitchen, if you're at a house party.

3. BRING A GIFT.
If it's your first time going to someone's house that you don't know, bring a gift of a bottle of wine or something. Don't go overboard; this is a gesture, not a bribe. And it's just nice to do.

4. DON'T COME ON TOO STRONG.
If you're like me, then you deal with nervousness by being gregarious. Be careful with this-- personality is like perfume; too much of it and you can make the people around you sick. Give everyone a chance to participate in the evening, and try not to draw too much of the focus.

The corollary to this is:

4b. DON'T BE A WALLFLOWER.
You're there to socialize. Talk to people you don't know. If your friend abandons you for a moment or two, don't hang around in a corner-- mix with the people.

5. DRESS UP A BIT.
You don't have to whip out the Armani or the Prada shoes-- but dress just a little nicer than you would at home. Show off a little bit. It can leave a very nice impression of you on the host and other guests.

These are just some of the things I've learned over time. If it helps you, great! If you already knew this stuff, even better!

And here's an idea-- if you have questions, post 'em. Let's all pitch in with a "Dear MFiles" concept and see if we can't work out those social kinks.

Heh. I said kinks.

OH! And, geez, I almost forgot. The most important part of any party:

THANK YOUR HOST.

Posted by Agent M at September 25, 2003 10:22 PM