Unlike the slavery I experienced in my last acting gig, the one I did Friday night was at the opposite end of the spectrum. In a word, cushy.
The commercial was for StarChoice, a satellite TV company. This would, in fact, be my second commercial for them as I had just shot a "Casablanca"-themed one a month and a half ago.
So with happy heart I made my way to the SHAW Cable building in the northeast of Calgary; although enroute I was bemoaning this location. In my mind, the Shaw building in the North East was a dilapidated wreck that Gary Horn and I had shot our runner-up award-winning community cable show, Fanscene, at back in 1993.
Upon my arrival, however, I discovered this was not so; in fact, Shaw had constructed an entirely new building, very high-tech, with a glassed-in front that resembled the waiting area of an airport.
Fantastic.
This gig was as labour-UNintensive as the previous gig had been INtensive. It involved me showing up, getting into costume, and sitting around chatting for three hours before we started filming.
 |
| The young Bela Lugosi as a security guard. |
Now comes the sort of down side-- although to me, not so much.
We filmed until 3:30 IN THE MORNING. For a thirty-second commercial. Be advised that those little blipverts you see between the shows you're actually paying attention to represent dozens of man-hours of work by all parties concerned, for thirty seconds of your time.
And yeah, it's tiring, and yeah, it's boring too. But I got to be in this uber-cool building after hours. The sense of the forbidden, of not supposed to be here, only yeah, you ARE supposed to be there.
The actual, real security guards watched my co-star Doug and I with much bemusement, by the way. Fortunately, since all we were doing was sharing dialogue in front of a Matrix-like bank of monitors, we didn't need any professional security guard tips on how to believeably portray our characters.
(Another acting story has me performing at the now-defunct military base here in Calgary, just before it became defunct, and getting chewed out by a military COOK for yelling at a General, in character. I told the career milk baby that as an actor, it was my job to shout at Generals, Presidents, Prime Ministers and Kings while he peeled my potatoes. And to call me when he made Lieutenant. Cripes.)
The director ruefully smiled as he said to me: "Great way to spend your Friday Night, huh?" And I said, without irony: "Well, yeah." Because I was working. Doing what I love. And not even doing it very HARD; sitting around while waiting for them to set up a shot so I can say one of my three lines is not what I would consider "needing a Kit-Kat break" work.
For every crappy acting job, there's a cushy one right around the corner. And although a security guard may not be a glamourous role, I can once again invoke the magic of the acting biz: Tomorrow, I'll be something different.
And GEEZ, that was a really nice building.
I see you tripped and fell facefirst into a cake right before getting your picture taken, though. It's tragic when those dessert-related accidents happen. They should put in more security.
Posted by: Mike on September 29, 2003 12:58 PM>I see you tripped and fell facefirst into a cake
>right before getting your picture taken, though.
Look ma! He got the job!
:D
ACK!
That's not MAKE-UP!
How to act like a professional security guard? I was a professional secuity guard, once. We made up a sign for our desk that said, "We are security guards. Speak to us in monosyllables only." We spent our evenings playing quarter football and having elevator races, and pushing each other across the bank floors on office chairs and moving dollies.
Did you work any of that into your portrayal as a 'professional' security guard, MISTER actor?
Posted by: Agent Brucie on September 29, 2003 06:17 PMIs that a picture of the bathroom door?
Side note to your side note:
I just wanted to point out that the cook who chewed you out? His trade has little or nothing to do with his rank. He may well have been a Chief Petty Officer, which is a pretty darned high rank. Unless he was a young punk Private or something. (I'm saying this as I thought your "career milk baby" comment was a bit much.)
Anywho, if you were in a military uniform, said cooks reaction doesn't surprise me in the least. If you were NOT in a uniform, he should have shut the hell up.
ACK!
Posted by: Agent CK on October 1, 2003 11:49 AMAgent Brucie: No, of course not. It was the private dressing room they had for me, monogrammed with my Agent M insignia.
Agent CK: "Career Milk Baby" is my term for (in this case) a serviceman who, not knowing anything about me or what I do or who I am, comes up and starts spouting book and chapter about proper conduct in the presence of a ranking officer.
No, I was not in uniform, and as he'd been serving food all night, (and obviously observing my acting, as he knew I was yelling at the General) I would expect he understood that I was acting.
The Milk Baby part comes from the soft, glassy-eyed, doughy-faced look that such people who are going to be In That Job The Rest Of Their Lives have. I'm sure you know the type I mean. Those type of people who join the Navy but never go to sea, y'know what I'm sayin'?
At any rate, it all boils down to this for me: "Do you KNOW me? No? Then shut the HELL up. ESPECIALLY when it's obvious that I don't WORK here."
Security guards are, by and large, folks who are either on their way somewhere else (and this is their interim job) or folks who have fetched up on the rocky shoals of life and have gotten stuck, as far as I've been able to tell. And I don't need one opening their yap to me when I'm making more money in a couple of hours than they will in two weeks.
Sure, it sounds arrogant of me. But I'm not the one who opened his yap FIRST, now am I?
"Hey! Rent-a-Cop! Who said you could make eye contact?" -- Karen Walker, Will and Grace
Posted by: Agent M on October 1, 2003 12:25 PM>Those type of people who join the Navy but never
>go to sea, y'know what I'm sayin'?
OoooOOOhhhhh. *THOSE* people. Okay. Gotcha. :D
ACK!
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