Pray for me. Send me your good vibes, Agents: I just auditioned for a gig I really, REALLY would like to have.
It was for a horror movie. A SCHLOCKY horror movie, the best kind. It's some kind of slasher flick entitled "Santa's Slay." How cool is that?
I auditioned for the part of a cop. Officer #1. Oh yeah. In the scene I auditioned for, the cop walks in and sees that a Jewish man has been stabbed through the chest and pinned to the wall by his own menorah (that 8-candle candleabra that represents the festival of Hanukkah.)
His line? "Something's just not kosher here."
Come ON. It doesn't GET better than that.
Many actors have gone on to be superfamous after starring in perfectly horrid schlocky horror films. I want to be one of them.
It's campy, it's in poor taste, it's gory, it's horror. It is a VEHICLE, Agents, a poor geek actor's dream. I want to be the cop. I'm hoping he dies HORRIBLY. Covered in gore, stabbed with his own nightstick.
I'm including a picture of the outfit Agent CK was kind enough to lend me for the audition. I'm lookin' coppy-- in fact, I scared the director because he thought I was a REAL cop there to give him a ticket or something. That means major points for me, if I could convince him at first glance.
And lookit how the shirt fits-- I've got Cop Donut Bulge! Admit it, Mister Director, I'm a SHOO-IN!
And to make sure I am, I'd like all you Agents out there to join me in putting the vibe out there to GET me this part. I wannit. I need it. I've GOT to have it! The script treatment even SAYS "Low Budget" on it. And they're shooting in Edmonton. Glamourous EDMONTON. If this doesn't have "career launchpad" on it I don't know what does.
Vibe me, Agents. Vibe Agent M for Officer #1.
Posted by Agent M at December 30, 2003 02:53 PMM looks good in my clothes ... and I'm not finishing this sentence.
Scared the director hmmm? AWESOME! :D If you have the right 'tude and look, that outfit just finishes it off. :)
Hell, I fooled a couple of REAL Calgary police officers once. They pulled over as I was entering a function in that outfit. I quickly put up my hands and said "COSTUME" for fear of getting charged with impersonating an officer or something. They laughed and said they were actually pulling over to see who/what/where I worked! :D
Of course, if YOU have a cop-donut-bulge... I must have a cop-entire-fudge-cake-bulge. When were we doin' Atkins again? ;)
Anywho, glad it went well! Crossin' my fingers and toes and other bits for ya.
CK
CostumeKnight
PS - "Something's not kosher" *GROAN*
Who the hell writes this stuff? Do we know them? It sounds like something somebody we know (hell, just about anybody we know) would write.
Good luck, man. Hope you get the part.
Posted by: Rook on December 30, 2003 03:26 PMHot damn, man. Hope you get the part!
(And lay of those donuts!)
Posted by: Sean on December 30, 2003 07:24 PMSomething's not kosher....... bad cop, no donut.
Hope that you get the part.
Agent "Indi" Wolf
Spying @ SAIT since 2002