AIEEEE! MORMONS!

The doorbell rang yesterday as I was immersed in work. Feeling chipper, I bounced up the stairs to answer the door and as I got nearer I saw two nicely-dressed young men in suits standing waiting.

The devil in me cried, "Aieee! Mormons!" and with impish glee I bounded down the steps to answer the door.

Turns out they WERE Mormons. And they'd heard me.

I was smiling though, so they weren't sure what to make of me; I grinned and told them that I hung out with Latter-Day Saints and worked closely with some. I told them what I knew of their moral dictums and sent them politely on their way.

One of the young guys asked me if "there was anything he could do for me." In a very open and serious tone of voice.

I need you all to understand that sometimes my brain gets SO MANY RESPONSES prepared at once that I am actually incapable of speech while they sort themselves out into appropriate categories-- the largest of which is usually "Worst Thing I Could Say Right Now."

We parted amicably-- my response to him was "No, I think I'm fine, thanks," and off they both went.

And I chuckled. Everyone has Door-to-Door Religious Folks stories. "Why, this one time we had Jehovah's Witnesses to the door and you should hear what *I* did..."

And yet, these churches, these religions, still do it. They take their message door-to-door and preach, in effect SELL, their faith to whoever is buying.

I find it SO LUDICROUS. Folks who need something in their lives will seek it out. Those that don't, even if they need it, are the type that can be swayed into ANYTHING, so being "sold" religion doesn't actually make them faithful, it just makes them feel like they belong to a group-- no matter that they don't really believe what the group believes as long as they belong.

I'm a firm believer in the "let 'em come to you" theory. Folks who want it will find it. They may have to look a long time, but they will find it. And...to proselytize, to preach, in such a direct door-to-door way-- I mean, there are TV shows and websites and radio programs, all of which are nice, passive ways to get the information. You can have it or turn it off. It's up to you.

But when it's "ding-dong Salvation calling," you're on the spot. Make a choice. Join the gang or tell the family of tambourine-wavers in suits to sod off. And only THEN do they try to leave literature with you.

How about just leave the literature in my mailbox? Or on my doorstep? Why the confrontation? Why the drive to recruit?

I mean, according to the Jehovah's Witnesses' beliefs there's limited seating in Heaven. Not everyone can get in. So why, pray tell, would they be out recruiting more people to join them? Yet there they are, doing it.

I don't bear the door-to-door people any malice; sure, it bugs me when they interrupt my day but at the same time, I feel sorry for them. They have one of the worst jobs on earth; recruiting people to BELIEVE in something. Sheesh, good luck. Do you REMEMBER the 80's? Nobody believes ANYTHING any more; least of all when it comes to the door and ding-dong wants you to stand there and agree with them or invite them into your house.

Funny old world. Y'know what? I came to my beliefs on my own, thanks. After some looking around and some questions, I came to mine out of good old-fashioned, honest seeking for my own personal truth. And even when I found others who professed the same belief, I learned over time that I still had a slightly differing view from them.

I can do it myself, thanks. You don't need to bring it to my door. And maybe--just maybe-- you door-to-door folks could put more energy into leading by example than in trying to swell your numbers in the name of salvation. That's just my theory anyway.

So, Agents, the next time strangers come to your door, give a hearty shout of "AIEEEE! MORMONS!" and let them understand that you can come to the Divine on your own, thanks.

Posted by Agent M at January 08, 2004 11:29 AM