Yesterday, for the first time, I saw an old buddy from high school that I did not stop and greet. And I'm not sure why.
I recognize ALL my high school-- and junior high, and elementary-- school friends. To me, they look the same as they did when I knew them. They generally don't recognize me, which is kind of neat (I'm a SPY! Lookit!) but I always say "hi" and ask how they're doing.
But not last night.
I walked into a 7-11 and there he was, working the counter. Immediately I knew him; Glenn B, an old D&D buddy of mine when I was in Grade 11.
Glenn was in Grade 12 at the time. He had failed English so he was in my class. He read sci-fi and played D&D so of course we got on like a house on fire. But he was in Grade 12, so after that year he became a whatever-happened-to?
I remembered his mom. Where he lived. Heck, I remembered the names of the characters we played in his D&D campaign. I remembered the campaign itself. I remembered details like he listens to ABBA. We used to play Mail Order Monsters on his Commodore 64.
But when I saw him last night, working at the 7-11, I remembered that Glenn couldn't spell to save his life. I never knew if it was dyslexia or something else, but he was atrocious at writing the English language (thus the reason he was in my English class).
And as I thought that, all of it in the space of a couple of seconds after making eye contact (and no, he didn't recognize me), I wondered if what I was seeing was how he ended up? Was this not transitional, but perhaps the best that he could achieve, given his limitations with the written word?
An absurd possibility-- how would I know what he was capable of?-- but in that moment a wall came up between he and I. Something in me felt that it would be wrong to break that wall, to acknowledge and introduce myself to him again, lest by confirming that I had seen him in that time and place that I, somehow, would be confirming the loss of all the potential he had when he was 18.
When we were in our teens, a spelling/writing dysfunction is nothing; it's a guy who has trouble in English. Still got his whole life ahead of him. But at age 36, it just might be indicative of a cap, a ceiling, on his ability to achieve. Which means that all the potential he had at 18 was gone. In a second's introduction, "Hi, Glenn, remember me?" would somehow inexorably reinforce where he was, inevitably erasing the possibilities of both the intervening years and the future ones.
It really was an odd moment. As if by defining it, giving weight to that time and place, I would be destroying a man's life somehow.
I honestly can't tell you why this hit me so powerfully. I have lots of friends that worked at 7-11 or other "lower end" jobs when I ran into them fifteen years later and it was never a thing with me, or with them (I worked at a t-shirt shop at 25); we just said "hi" and moved on.
But somehow, Glenn was different. The bubble, the wall, was immediate and threatened potential backlash as soon as I saw him. I bought my Pepsi from him, we made eye contact again, and then I was gone.
When I left the 7-11, I was disoriented. I thought I was in another store, closer to where he used to live with his parents. I was living, in my mind, in that time where Glenn had his whole life ahead of him. And when I stepped out to my car and all the landmarks were wrong-- they were all now instead of then-- I realized just how deep this fugue, this universal sense of be quiet and tiptoe around reality so it won't notice had been.
I got into my car and drove away. Glenn doesn't know it was me. I won't go back there. The moment had gone; its potential, building up to a dozen or more possible futures, had been extinguished.
I don't know Glenn's life. I don't know that any part of his goals and dreams has been denied him or that he has any regrets for where he is now; all I know is that when I saw him I was firmly convinced that admitting I knew him when could be potentially disastrous.
And for the life of me, I can't understand why.
Good luck, Glenn. I wish you every success and every potential realized. I wish you well. Travel toward your future with the assurance that whatever you can be, you will be. And I will wish the same for myself.
Posted by Agent M at January 13, 2004 11:10 AMHmmm. Interesting encounter.
I'm not sure how to react to your entry. There are several responses that are kind of opposed to one another crawling around in my gray matter.
1. I understand where you are coming from.
2. I don't think saying "Hi Glenn. Remember me?" could have done any harm. Really.
3. I think, perhaps, that you MIGHT have done Glenn a bit of a disservice. As you say, you don't know his life. Sure, he might be stuck working at 7-11. But how do you know that he isn't just doing that to pay the bills while he either A) betters himself with more schooling or B) is between higher-paying jobs?
4. Would I have reacted differently? Not sure. As you say, it was a weird encounter for you, so I can’t pretend to put myself in your shoes.
Isn’t it strange when you run into old friends, and they aren’t really what you expect?
I recently ran into a girl I went to school with in Canmore. We used to hang out and go for coffee together. She was a "pal", for want of a better term. Heck, we even worked together at a restaurant out there.
Well, I ran into her some months back. She was a waitress at a seafood place. Still a waitress after all these years. Made me feel kinda strange. But she seemed to be happy with what she was doing, so I couldn’t judge her. (Mind you, it’s totally different, as she recognized me right away and chatted me up about what I’d done since high school.) Hell, I worked in the restaurant industry long enough! (Sure glad I don’t anymore!)
But I digress. I'm not sure how I would have handled Glenn in your place. All I can REALLY agree with is that you went with your gut feeling. I tend to trust my gut feelings most of the time. :)
Unless, of course, my guts are saying something about pinto beans and orange jello. Then I ignore 'em. :D
ACK!
Posted by: Agent CK on January 13, 2004 11:49 AMI recognize ALL my high school-- and junior high, and elementary-- school friends.
Great flying monkeys, man, I only sort of blurrily remember being in high school. I certainly don't remember kids from elementary. I know I'm not exactly a shining example of retention, but couldn't you be using that hard drive space for something a little more timely? I mean, it took several conversations before I could make Lisa's name stick in there.
As for potential, why are you assuming Glenn had a lot to begin with? I don't mean to sound harsh, but many people were born to work at 7-11. It's very comforting to believe that any kid can grow up to be President, but the truth is that we're not all born equal in tha respect; some of us have potential that others don't. It's not better or worse, it just is.
--Of course, if it's actually dyslexia that's in Glenn's way, that is a shame. Or if he's an otherwise bright guy who refuses to spell properly out of laziness or diffidence (*cough*) and that's what's holding him back, again a tragedy. But if he's just slow? People come in all speeds.
Posted by: Mike on January 13, 2004 01:43 PMI remember a couple of similar encounters I had while working at the 7-11...
A girl I went to school with in elementary school named Jeanette came into the Sev I worked at. She was (arguably) the cutest girl in school and all the boys had a psuedo I-don't-know-what-this-really-means crush on the tall blonde girl with the long straight hair. I hadn't seen her since then, about 15 years had passed, but I recognised her immediately because she was the 6' drop dead gorgeous blonde girl with the long straight hair. Wearing the nice clothes and driving the sports car. She didn't recognise me (to my knowledge) and I didn't say anything to her outside of standard customer service fare. Why not? Part of it was the mild shame of working in low end retail, but mostly it was because I was too busy concentrating on not drooling in her presence.
The other time I was working at Circle K about 2-3 years post high school. A guy came in, recognised me from high school immediately, even though in school I was clean cropped, and at this time I had a full beard and 12" of platinum blonde hair, and started talking to me about friends I had in high school, what so & so was doing now, have you seen Bob lately, and left after about 5 minute. I swear, on my life, I have no idea who he was, and I was sure I'd never met him before in my life. That bothered me for about 3 days...
Posted by: Agent Brucie on January 13, 2004 05:33 PMMichael, speaking of old school buds, did Jim J ever follow up with you?
Posted by: Sean on January 31, 2004 12:31 AMFirst, I must apologise if this what I'm doing is wrong. It seems to me that this is an open ... organisation and that anyone can post whatever pleases him. I suppose there are rules about manners and stuff, and I have no intention to brake them.
So far you probably noticed that I'm not of english or english-speaking origine. I learned english in school, so please don't be surprised by my spelling and grammair which are poor. Imagine if you were supposed to speak in spanish or something.
Back to the point...
I have had experiences just like Agent M. To be honest, I had lot of them. I do remember each and every person who went to my kindergarden, primary and high school (it is rather early to speak about college friends, I graduated only last year :)).
Thus, there is one difference with me: I ordinarly do what he did with Glenn. I do not say 'hi' to my former classmates, and they seem to enjoy this as much as I am hurt by them looking other way when they see me coming.
Yes, they do remember me. I am not easy to forget. I had to be the smartest, the most brilliant, the best basketball player... Ofcourse, I never managed to become all of that, but still - they hated me for trying.
I don't know where my former friends work now, or if they already have children or even if they are still in the country. But 7-11 seems like a pretty good place for them...
Posted by: Maca on February 2, 2004 06:23 AMI have similar reservations sometimes when choosing who I invite back into my life, when and where. Compared to a lot of my old school buddies, and members of the old Grey Mountain Echoes, I have gone farther and seen more than they. At least, that is what I tell myself.
In truth I have seen different things than they. It is a way of growing apart, and growing, period. I haven't gone back to my old town except to see my Brother and his family (Lac La Biche, Alberta) since so many of those people seem to be (in my mind) stuck where I saw them last. So and so, who was in the same Drama club as I is working at the IDA, divorced, and with three children. Another guy has inherited the rundown old store his father built, and his kids are working in it, helping him.. same as when he was in high school. Another guy whose father was a principal is now living under his fathers thumb in a different business, and the hyperactive guy who was into all sorts of creative things is now teaching kids in some school up north. He had the same aspirations as Micheal... drawing, (well, okay... IMAGINATION with a capital HOLY COW) and acting...
My old best friend I have seen only once, and talked on the phone only once. He uses the slang as in '85, plays the same games and does the same stuff...
Thing is, when I occassionally do meet and talk with these people they get this far away look in their eyes when I describe where I have been. I've climbed mountains, cycled the Trans Canada Trail, hiked in the most beautiful country Canada has to offer, seen incredible ruins of past industrial history and developed a passion for photography and creative design...
I could never have done what they did, staying in the same place after University and High School... I have to always be seeing new things, practicing new skills and growing through experiences...
I tend to grow out of people, and choose fairly carefully who I will allow back into my life when I rediscover them. It's selfish, I know... but I have so much left to do...
Gerry
Posted by: nosemonger on February 29, 2004 01:47 PM