TEN YEARS AGO TODAY

Today is my tenth wedding anniversary. Not coincidentally, it is also my wife's.

Ten YEARS. A DECADE. In today's fast-forward NOW culture, that's an era.

I was looking through our wedding pictures today; I barely recognize the people in them. Seriously. Who WERE they? Didn't they know how silly they looked? Those crazy kids with their theme wedding and their hair:

This is Marci and I on our wedding day. Robin Hood and Maid Marian. Yup, a theme wedding. The cool thing about it is that the pictures don't get dated as the years go by; it's a theme, in-character, no worries about "What were you WEARING?" or "What was up with that HAIR?" At least, insofar as the era we were from; I'm sure there will be lots of "Dad? Why were you wearing TIGHTS?"-type questions.

Robin and Marian aside, I look at those two people, Michael and Marci. And I wish people would have told me that acid-wash was SO over as to be ridiculous and that...oh, y'know what? Don't even get me started. I don't know many people that wouldn't be embarrassed when faced with themselves ten years younger.

The redeeming factor of all these decade-ago embarrassments is that these two people in the picture are still together. However embarrassed I may get, however I may wince at choices I made back then, I'm still married and, more importantly, still in love. That woman playing dress-up with me is my friend. She's my partner, in so much more than matrimony. She's my life partner.

When we were younger we used to speak in terms of "soulmates" and "lifemates", the terms we picked up from our shared mythologies of books and comics and inner poetry; but regardless of how we saw them then, the truth of those terms has been borne out over the past ten years.

Today we live together in a new house with a new offspring; we are parents-- another thing to add to the list of "partners" activities. Our union has produced the ultimate joining of two people and the world that surrounds them: A child. Did the 1994 me expect children? Only as some ambiguous "someday" thing with cool names like Rain or Brenwyn. I still like those names but I blush when I think of how serious I was about them.

I've learned that our joining is a forward motion; it sets our lives rolling and there's no possibility of backing up. Nor should we ever want to. Most of the people in the wedding pictures are not people we know anymore. Some of them have moved on, some of them have stayed behind while we did the moving. There's bittersweet regret in that, viewing one thing as lost forever while knowing on the other hand that it's merely the growth and change of people. Perfectly natural.

I'm as happy now as I was then, less giddy but more understanding of what it is I truly have. It isn't as abstract; it's much more concrete. 1994 me would be overwhelmed and confused by how I got to where I am today. He would have no idea how I did it, and probably wouldn't believe me if I told him there was nothing to be afraid of.

We have different circumstances now. Different friends, different priorities, different goals. And amidst all this change is the security of each other, and the excitement of each other's change to grow with the circumstances. Ten years ago I did not write. Ten years ago I did not care about my future, the present day was enough. Ten years ago I existed for other people. Ten years ago I thought I was God immortal and immanent on the Earth.

What a fantastic change ten years brings. I appreciate it more now than ever. I think the next ten will be even more magical-- because we have the perspective to appreciate it.

I love you, Marci. Then and now. And to our future selves: Try not to be too embarrassed by us.

Posted by Agent M at May 14, 2004 03:05 PM