I finally get to be one of the cool kids!
For my birthday, I bought myself an X-Box. You might think, "Whee, you're just like one of a zillion other people. Rah rah. Go you!"
But I have to tell you-- in my world, this is something of a breakthrough. An aberration, as it were. Unlike my good friend Agent ACK, I don't spend a lot of money on toys. It's some kind of hardwired program, some sort of pseudo-Catholic Guilt that was instilled in me since childhood.
No, I'm not Catholic. But they are the Guilt experts, and so I'm pretty sure any Guilt-oriented programming stems from them, somehow.
But I digress.
I'm a fairly cautious consumer. I never buy the first iteration of anything, which consequently means I never buy anything new until it's been around for a while. I bought a Nintendo 64 from a second-hand store, because I just couldn't rationalize spending that much money on a game system. ("Utter frivolity," my prim Victorian thriftiness said.)
Also, I'm a Mac user. This means that I'm used to not being in the loop when the latest and newest entertainment comes out for computer gaming. LucasArts stopped simultaneously releasing stuff for both PC and Mac platforms; and the popular games are generally only ported over after they've had a few months on the shelves to prove their worth.
So I'm constantly lagging behind the Curve of Cool. And I had generally accepted it, the occasional rant notwithstanding.
In fact, I had accepted it so much that when my birthday came around on April 30th, the birthday money I got from my Dad was going to go into savings, or perhaps pay a few bills.
Agent ACK heard this and took me bodily by the scruff of the neck and shook me like a dog shakes a rag doll.
"Are you insane?" he calmly said between agitations. "BIRTHDAY money. Spend it on YOU. Don't THINK, just SPEND. Pleasure be thine!"
And lo, it came to pass that on that day Agent ACK and Mrs. ACK took me to the holy Future Shop whereupon, yea brethren, I did purchase the Adrenaline Pack X-Box that came bundled with Amped and Halo.
I must tell you, Agents, that I had buyer's remorse before I even got in the car to go TO the store. I mean, an X-Box is around the three hundred dollar mark. For a GAME system. Every rational function in my head tells me that I must not spend so much money or such utter frivolity.
Thank god for Agent ACK, whose gentle bullying disconnected those wires long enough for me to make the purchase (and receive Aeroplan miles for it, thank you very much).
It was on the way home that I felt the light of revelation suffuse my entire being. I had an X-Box. I could actually carry on a conversation about the world of console gaming, in the PRESENT TENSE. No longer would I have to speak some arcane language known only to a few underprivileged thirteen-year-olds, regaling next to nobody with my tale of how I finished Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask on my hot flashy Nintendo 64, circa 1998 A.D.
No. I can look at hipster gaming sites like PVP and Penny Arcade and say "YES! Ha ha! I GET that joke! I'm one of you! I'm IN THE CLUB! AAAAAAH ha ha ha ha!"
In fact, the day after I got the X-Box I went out and bought an X-Box magazine, complete with included CD Demo of things to come. And I can speak about it with Agent ACK, fellow X-Box owner, or even online with others-- and I can share the anticipation for the pant-wettingly good-looking Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic.
I can do this. I can speak freely and with confidence of ownership because I HAVE AN XBOX. I can play fun games! I can share them with my friends! I can laugh at an insider gaming joke and say "Oh my yes, me too!"
I'm IN THE CLUB, kids. And shallow as it may seem, for someone who has spent a lot of time being cautious, and therefore out of the loop (and let me tell you, there is nothing so painful as the feeling of being the last one to get a joke), this is heaven. Bliss. Nirvana.
Some of you in the Mac community might think I've sold out to The Man, buying such a proprietary Microsoft product. In response to this, I think I'll just let Brent Sienna answer for me.
Agent M off to touch the Box